No, Ping, I'm not a slacker...

...I've been busy.

A friend of mine from Florida recently paid a visit to this Blog.

She noted in a subsequent email that I'd not updated it since January, accusing me of being a slacker. Well, here you have the non-slacker me. Two posts in one day. Plus, I'll have you know, I tried to make a post last night about Tony Snow being appointed as the White House Press Secretary. Somehow that didn' t make it onto the site. Very odd. I'll have to repost that bit later.

However, here's the reason for this post. Mom sent me an email. It talks about a new element. Now I'm trying to figure out where it goes on the Periodic Table.

Dangerous New Element

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Governmentium. Governmentium (GV) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration! This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Don't you just love Science?